I’d consider myself a nature lover. I like to visit my regional parks, go for walks in the woods, check out the birds, that sort of thing. And I strive to teach my children that nature is sacred and we are all caretakers of divine creation. But life’s full of trade-offs.
Consider the paper plate.
When it comes to running a busy household, I’ve learned there are times when you simply have to play it a little fast and loose with your principles. There are at least three situations in which it is fully defensible to use paper plates (and plastic cups and utensils). Yes, I’m sure even Greta Thunberg would be on board with these.
You’re ahead of schedule
It’s a borderline miracle. The kids don’t need baths tonight, their homework is done, there’s no soccer practice, your mom dropped off dinner, you’ve already picked up and vacuumed — heck, you even Swiffered the floors. It’s an altogether foreign feeling, so it takes a minute to recognize and name it, but yes, you’re actually ahead of schedule. This never happens.
Now is not the time to go wobbly; lock in your gains by breaking out the Dixie. Go watch “Happy Gilmore 2” on a Wednesday night. (It’s terrible.)
You’re behind schedule
You survey the house. It looks like someone’s been playing Jumanji. If you step on the gas hard, this instant, you’ll be cleaning up until 10:30 p.m. just to make the place habitable. You can make that 9:30 with paper plates. How about a little grace?
You are hosting a children’s birthday party
Ten first-graders are coming to your house. The situation is dire. This calls for the platinum package: paper plates, yes, but also a disposable tablecloth, paper bowls, plastic utensils, plastic cups and throw in some styrofoam for good measure.
At the end of the party, fold up all the debris — plates, bowls, utensils, pizza crusts, soda spills, half-eaten cupcakes, boogers — in your disposable tablecloth. Take your trash hammock outside and dump the whole thing in your garbage bin. You just went from Hurricane Katrina to Better Homes and Gardens in 60 seconds. It’s exhilarating — in the world of domestic drudgery, this is the equivalent of base-jumping.
To reiterate: I love the environment, I love paper plates, and I don’t consider myself a hypocrite. As F. Scott Fitzgerald observed, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
His words, not mine.
So by all means, marvel at that stunner of a sunset, visit your regional and national parks, and definitely recycle. But parents: Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and just dial up the Dixie.
Zach Przystup (zprzystup@gmail.com) works for the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of Global Public Affairs and writes about parenting and family life.
